Why I am out of Shape

I don’t mean to be insensitive, but this is how I address issues.  If apologies are needed consider them offered.

Like many of you I am obese.  That is according to various health care analyses.  I am, shame shame shame, about 45 pounds overweight.  I grace the bathroom scales at above 200 pounds, higher than the professional say I should.

Now believe it or not I am quite happy about that tidbit of fact.  You see a while back I was almost 75 pounds overweight.  According to my convoluted way of calculating things my overweight problem has improved by 46.7%.  That is dang good!

Here is my plan for greater success.

  1. I will stand at the door of several fast food restaurants with picket signs protesting their selling of greasy burgers and fries.
  2. I will also picket my favorite grocery stores demanding they cease and desist making candy, bread, processed foods…and beef jerky available.
  3. From there I will seek a court order demanding that the local gym bring their facilities right to my door, so that I don’t have to over-work in order to workout.  Now logic would dictate that they also provide someone to exercise for me.

This next one is a little more complex, but would yield the best results.  I will champion the cause of having all the manufacturers of bathroom scales redesign their products.  Everyone desiring to lose weight should be able to “re-calibrate” the scales they buy.  I, and many of you, should be able to reset our bathroom scales so that one pound is equal to 17, 18, 19, or even twenty ounces (depending on our particular demand).

Here is the idea behind it.  Let’s presume that my existing scale say I weigh 200 pound.  That is the equivalent of 3200 ounces, current standard.  However, if I re-calibrated my scales to one pound equaling 20 ounce look at the result.  Rather than weighing 200 pounds I would then only tip the fulcrum at 160 pounds.

Now not to over complicate the math but if I then converted the pounds to the metric measurement of kilograms my weight would only be approximately 72.5.  There you have it.  Without giving up one single french fry, candy bar, or ice cream sandwich I would immediately be well below my ideal weight.  In fact with numbers like that I am certain my physician would encourage me to indulge much much more.

I am suddenly free from the public scrutiny and self-control.  No more looks from squinty-eyes of the pharmacist or passive insults from my doctor that I am a slob.  And, best of all, because I now am substantially within my weight range I will automatically feel much better.

The above analysis leads me to a different subject.

It is essential that we ban all guns from society.  Thus, neither society nor individuals needs to be burden with self-control.

Although mass murder is a direct result of one person seeking control by imposing their private solution on others, banning all guns will immediately remove the burden of self-restrain.  Imagine the long-term benefits?

Eventually society will mellow-out and each member of the universal community will forget about aggression altogether.  History has proven that to us!  A few thousand years ago Cain, the gardener, whipped out his handy dandy hoe and whacked Abel until Abel was unable to be able-bodied any more.

A few family members wanted garden tools outlawed.  But not to be outdone  a few generations later people turned to rocks for a while.  Then they beat their plowshares into swords.

It got a little risky sneaking up behind folks and giving them the Lizzie Borden business of forty whacks to kill her mother.  Hence,  the protest continued as bows and arrows surfaced as the weapon for longer distance mayhem.

Well, to keep the story reasonably short bows and arrows gave way to catapults, which in turn gave way to cannons.  Now, here we are some few thousand years later with rocket launchers, bombs and armor-piercing bullets.  What next?

Mankind has not resolved his lust for mastery, but has found new a dramatic means of enforcing it.

What  is the natural conclusion to all of this?  Banning the bullet is as senseless as burning the bra. Neither stops the heart of man from lusting after what bullets and bras hide;  the lust to dominate others.

As long as people garnish dominion over others no degree of garnishing guns will alleviate destructive natures.

Hiding the weapons will have, and history has abundantly proven it, as much weight on correcting the problem as re-calibrating my bathroom scales.  It takes on the appearance of solution, yet, does not improve the situation for any length of time.

As with weight loss, mayhem and murder are not prevented by changing the scales.  It only comes through allowing others to live according to their accommodation with others.

Until the focus falls on the aggressor…there will always be hoes, stones, bows and arrows, bullets, bombs, and eventually laser, phaser, and evaporators for them to use.

As Princess Leah said in a movie long long ago, “The more you tighten your grip the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”  The more self-centered politicians try to tighten their grip on guns the more haters will slip through their fingers with bigger and badder arsenals.

The truest solution has to do with managing the mayhem of aggression, not pacifying protection through vacuous displays of outrage.

That Is The Way I See It.





3 thoughts on “Why I am out of Shape

  1. Managing aggression is a spiritual matter. It is a matter of the heart. It requires knowledge of and accountability to a higher being than humanity. No act of human will can tame the heart of man.
    When we kicked God out of our schools and public arenas we set our course toward hedonism and dispair.

  2. Convoluted story – and a well done one at that –
    Loved this line; ” Banning the bullet is as senseless as burning the bra. Neither stops the heart of man from lusting after what bullets and bras hide; the lust to dominate others.”
    That central point is well said sir.

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